Single White Male

2014-10-03 16.19.09I’m single.  Am I right for you?

  • I was never sent to visit the school principle.
  • I’ve never been inside a police car or police station.
  • Nobody has ever slapped me.
  • I cry during sad TV shows.
  • I like to watch Star Trek –all versions — but I don’t know many episodes by name, nor do I have a costume and I won’t fight you about which captain is better.
  • I do not believe Jesus was anything but a very smart creation after the fact, but agree religion serves a valuable purpose, and do not argue with people who believe different… unless they want to.
  • I’d be open to a church if they’re not the kind that kills or converts those who disagree. I’m still searching for one.
  • I’ve never been great at expressing my own emotions, but I feed off those around me, and strive to make them happy.
  • Viewing a smile changes me.   I feel it and work to create them in others.
  • I don’t like to be told off, and am very sensitive about they way it happens. Abnormally so.
  • I was on a first name basis with the school librarian, even though I didn’t read much.
  • I don’t like yelling, of any kind.  I’m not a fan of anything loud.
  • I don’t regret life choices if I make a decision I’m happy with at the time.
  • I prefer doing something rather than standing around deciding what to do.
  • People say I’m difficult to feed. Finicky. I say you just have to learn what I like.
  • I’m not a fan of drunks, although I may laugh at them sometimes.
  • I prefer to eat without your cigarette smoke in my face.
  • I’ve only recently started reading books again, and am enjoying it, but I take my time.
  • I own several different ways to record a TV show, and hardly ever watch TV live.
  • There are at least 6 computers within 100 feet of me now, all turned on, and connected to each other, and the Internet.
  • Almost everything I own is newer than 10 years old.
  • I have not worn a tie a few years, but do own some with cartoon characters on them.
  • My freezer contains a lot more than my fridge.
  • I buy more brand names than house brands or generic products.
  • I eat chocolate almost every day, but not nuts.
  • I have never had a hot beverage like tea of coffee.
  • I am almost always on time, so much so that you can start to worry after 5 minutes.
  • I have owned many calculator watches, but now own my first watch with hands.
  • I don’t remember names, but I’m excellent at voices and OK with faces.
  • I hardly ever call people by their names, and when I do, it feels weird to me.
  • I am not offended by coarse language, but choose to swear minimally.
  • Orange is my favourite colour, but I don’t have the nerve to drive an orange car.
  • I go to bed often at 10pm, but almost always before 11.
  • I wake up quickly, and usually within 10 minutes of the same time each morning.
  • In the right mood, I can walk for 5 hours, but I hate to stand for 15 minutes.
  • I hardly ever get angry, and it drives people nuts.
  • I can be devil’s advocate, and debate against my belief if it helps to do so.
  • Given the choice, I prefer to be the one who drives.
  • Clocks that tick loudly can drive me nuts.
  • My pizza of choice is Pizza Hut deep dish, with a Pepsi.
  • My beef of choice is The Keg, baseball sirloin.
  • I like Harvey’s for the pickles and McDonalds for the Egg Mc Muffin.
  • I will never widow you to sports.  I don’t even know the rules.
  • The only video games I play are cribbage, billiards and pinball.
  • I try not to litter.
  • I own a lot of music on CD, but prefer radio. Classic rock and modern pop are my two favourites, but Jazz and Classical are welcome once and a while.
  • I have watched Saturday Night Live since season 1, and almost every sketch comedy show since Carol Burnet.
  • I think I’ve read less than 10 comic books in my life, but I did subscribe to MAD in the 70′s and 80s religiously
  • When I choose a favourite, I get emotionally upset if I miss a single episode or issue.
  • I am single, but prefer not to be.
  • I am paranoid of online matchups and expect them to ask me for money

One thought on “Single White Male

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *